Thaniel's Thoughts

Que-Que Na-to-Ra, You will Understand

2012-02-24T15:36:00.000-08:00

So here's a fun fact: If you spend the majority of your day drinking copious amounts of water and assorted liquids and then order a caramel macchiato from your local Starbucks and then sit down to update your presumably seldom-read blog...it turns out your bladder may or may not like that so much. Also as I'm typing this a song Urinetown just came onto my Itunes. "Why don't you just go pee?" you might ask, well being in a Starbucks, preferred seating is a table/high-top ideally placed by a power outlet. An excellent seating choice like this one is desired by all, and if I get up I forfeit this spot. So as you can see I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I've been thinking a lot about relationships. Why we go through this wonderful and sometimes arduous process? Is our need for companionship that extreme? We go above and beyond to make sure we are not alone in life. Whether it's marriage, or making sure we don't lose touch with that one night stand that wants something more, but is content of the fact that you come by once a day and occasionally will treat her to a dinner via delivery...not DiGorno(or however the hell you spell that). Also in case you were wondering (because I know you were...) a few more songs from musicals came on on my iTunes. I sat wondering where I acquired so many songs from Broadway musicals, and then I remembered I was a theater major with lots of theater-major friends who have lots of theater-major-broadway-musical-music...and happen to have taken a few. So I decided to put it on my "Disney" playlist and listen to some Disney songs. THE POINT IS for the remainder of this update, it may or may not be riddled with Disney references. Deal with it.

We're taught from youth that relationships are essential to life, and if you don't have one, or one that's meaningful then you're fucking up. Think about every movie you've ever seen. It's almost always based on a relationship of sorts; whether it be a friendship or a romance, or paternal...or that strange connection you've always had with you're cousin Beatrice. Presuming you're not an unfortunately educated specimen who was taught it's ok as long as she doesn't have your last name, we're going to move on. In every romantic movie, or an action movie with a romantic premise, the expected resolution is that the hero goes home with the girl, or beds the girl, or frees the girl from her abusive boyfriend by kicking his and his friend's asses on a basketball court in the middle of the day in which suspiciously no one bothered to report. If you can name the movie I'm referencing I may or may not reward you with sexual favors...or a brownie.
Why is it SO damned important that we have relationships? Why is "friendship" and "companionship" vital to the development of human beings?? Probably because that's how the world works. It took me quite a while to appreciate the saying "it's about who you know"...but it really is. If I didn't know Bob, I probably wouldn't be in Maryland doing what I love and getting paid pretty well for it. If I didn't go to Hartt, I probably wouldn't know all the talented people I know, and thus wouldn't have the motivation to continue to pursue my craft. It's true. The people I went to school with motivated the shit outta me, and continue to do so. I regularly Facebook-creep on them and check out what they've been up to. Whether it's Trapeze lessons or singing with Barbra Streisand, it makes me happy to see them making moves with their lives, and more than a mildly gives me the fuel to make moves of my own. Not so much singing with a legend or learning to Richard Grayson yourself, but work on my own things that make me happy and are within the realms of my craft(i.e. writing, performing, pretending I have the Force and attempt to move that water bottle with the MidiChlorines in the air).

I feel like relationships for everyone are supplementary and at best circumstantial. For instance, it's easy to cultivate a relationship with someone you work with, you have a common playground in which you both/all cultivate income. That's simple enough. Cultivating a relationship out of thin air in a Starbucks? A little trickier, but if you read my last entry(which I KNOW you did...) you know it's possible. It's a Small World you know, you're next relationship might be Just Around The Riverbend. You honestly never know what sort of rascal or Tramp you might meet in this Circle of Life we live in. Is she gonna be a Beauty? Is she gonna be a Beast?? AHHHHHH Ok I'm done....Toy Story. NOW I'm done. Maybe...
What was I saying...I feel like the relationships we really cherish are the relationships we didn't know were valuable until their approximate value reveals itself. For instance, you might meet a certain dude in college. You might hang for a couple of weeks, not really thinking anything of it because you all didn't click right away for some reason. You lose touch and eventually(like with all things), you forget about him. Fast forward a few months and you're looking for a party because Fuck it, you're Young, Wild and Free...ok that wasn't a Disney song, but it's still a good song. That same dude, let's call him Melvin because that's a name that sounds like he was abused in life, Melvin has been the host of the biggest and wildest parties on campus for weeks now. What? How did...this dude was a huge goddamned bored, how did he get such a following?? Now suddenly Melvin is an important person. You search your phone for whatever the hell you filed him under, probably something along the lines of "Captain Poopey-pants" or "Senor Sweatstain". You now attempt to re-establish former lines of communication that have all but accumulated 3 or 4 layers of epic dust, and it turns out you two are the best of friends now. Not because you ALSO discovered that his father has a huge stock in Google, but because his value to you is not only reevaluated, but increased.

Are all relationships like this? Nah. I estimate there are a good handful that are based on mutual respect and admiration. My friendship with my friend Greg for instance. He's not rich. He's not a celebrity. We've been friends for 11 years, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. He's one of the closest things to a brother I think I'll ever have. Friend Ryan/Turtle/whateverthefuckhe'scallinghimselfthismonth? Same thing. Met him freshman year of college. Same deal. Bob? Same. What I like to do is give a selected person a month of collective communication/hangouts. If I'm still in possession of your number after that amount of time spent together? Then I consider you a friend for life. I don't like many people, so I feel this is an effective filtering system. It's the system that I'm using for this dude I met at Starbucks. I know nothing about him. We had a really good conversation, but I know nothing more than the fact that we share an appreciation for Martial Arts movies. Well In Learning you will Teach, and in teaching you will learn. You'll Find the Place beside the ones you Love. At least that's what I've heard. I hope that we remain friends after I move back to Boston, and I will hang out with him at least thrice. You know, to make sure he's not out scouting for a new liver or a registered serial-killer...or a Lakers fan.

And with that? I leave you with this: "When you wish upon a star, no evil can resist the power of the Thriller"

~!~

Why Hello Maryland

2012-02-21T18:32:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night I was buried neck-deep in Raspberry pudding and was being bludgeoned by a Koala bear on a pogo stick while simultaneously shitting in the mouth of Michael Richards...Now that I've got your attention. I made the move to Maryland.

It really didn't hit me that I was driving to Maryland until I saw a sign that said, "Welcome to Pennsylvania". I drove the normal way I usually use to get to Hartford, and that way I can (and have) literally drive stoned out of my mind. Once I passed Hartford, resisting with all my might the temptation to go into the village for a quick beer pong game, I continued the drive. Let me say for the record: an 8-hour drive isn't short. There are pee breaks, food breaks, make sure my tires aren't falling off breaks; and one more thing I'm forgett-Oh no, I got it: THE DRIVING. If you don't have someone to call, or the silly habit of talking to yourself, or music you really don't mind hearing over and over again, then perhaps an 8-hour drive isn't for you. I happen to like the music in my car. I somewhat pride myself on my ability to recite Lil Wayne's (or Weezy's) part in The Motto. That also happens to be the only Drake song I can listen to without wanting to gut a small rabbit, but then again that's just me.

Another thing you can do to pass the time as your driving your "Dear GOD has it REALLY only been TEN MINUTES since I LAST checked the time?!?" time, is imagine ALL the different ways there are not to crash a car going at high speeds. That's what kept me particularly chipper. That and the three 5-hour energies I had in my system. And the idea that if I really focused, maybe just maybe the car would lift off the ground and fly...but that thought didn't carry much weight, as I realized that this wasn't a Back To The Future movie. Believe it or not, furiously imagining that your car might plummet into the next car/headfirst into a ditch/into the entire cast of glee is a great way to keep your heart rate afloat. Imagining the worst situation while probably not the safest thing for your stress levels, will make sure you don't fall asleep at the wheel(The more I think about it it MAYBE had something to do with those 5-hour energies...). Also talking to yourself? Give it a try before you judge. Emulating seemingly trivial conversation can have it's benefits. For me? It's having those "Do I REALLY sound like this when I talk to people?!??" moments. I realize that my occasional stuttering, has nothing to do with any issue of confidence, it's because I think simultaneous to my talking, and sometimes i'll think something while saying something else and the thought becomes conflicted with the words and it's REALLY annoying when it happens, because THEN I try and pick up where I left off from BOTH conversations/streams of thought and it becomes what I can only equate to a mall full of prepubescent girls realizing Justin Beiber is in the building and then having that structure spontaneously implode onto itself.

In any case, it still hasn't hit me that I'm in Maryland. I know what you're thinking: "Oh really smart guy? You mean the license plates and the "Frederick" signs aren't enough for ya?!??". The answer? Other than "go suck a goat dick", would lie among the lines of because I'm not really taking a particular journey anywhere, I'm on location at an acting job. An acting job requires me to relocate for a certain amount of time, and I am acquiescing dutifully to my craft. Would I prefer it to be in Boston, closer to home? Meh, I'm not sure anymore. I really don't mind traveling. Seeing new sights and experiencing a new town is good for you. Stimulation and fortitude and all that...

Maryland isn't what I expected. I expected something along the lines of Tennessee or Alabama or something horribly deep south. I wasn't expecting well...a more southern version of Massachusetts. People here seem to be happier with life. The neighborhood I live in is incredibly nice, and the people are friendly enough. Keep in mind I got here two days ago, but so far I haven't experienced any problems. I even was approached by a dude in Starbucks where I was trying like a maniac to get my not-yet-existant work schedule in order. I didn't know if he was lost, or maybe thought I was Kanye West. After the initial shock/concern wore off, we had a conversation. Of course I was thinking to myself "why do I feel like I've seen this in a movie, where the Black guy gets into a conversation and then gets stabbed brutally in the back by a guy wearing a hula skirt"(The sad reality is this is, or probably will be a movie in about a year or two since Hollywood has been running out of original ideas for movies for about 15 years now...)In ANY case, the guy seems cool enough. Seems to think I'm funny so that's a nice plus. We exchanged information and made future plans to hang out once I get a better grip of my schedule.

Living back with Bob is good. We pretty much reevaluated each others living styles. It wasn't really too painful of a process because we lived together a couple of years ago, and we didn't have any problems. Like none. Probably because we're the kind of people who anticipates/settles/avoids conflict...also we're both capable of being horribly sarcastic asses, and that also diffuses any and all potential tension. I'm a bit of an organization, neat freak. Bob is a damned good cook. With our powers combined we have an Ideal Living Situation(ILS for short...). Honestly, I can't see myself hating it. Especially since I don't have to sleep in barcalounger any longer. One night was honestly enough for a lifetime. I'm not saying it was terribly uncomfortable, I'm just saying I'd rather challenge Sammo Hung to a belly-flop contest than sleep on it again. Praise air mattresses.
Even though I'm living with a roommate, I'm not living in my parents house. That's something I'm a little late to appreciating. There's a sense of freedom in not being in the same room that you grew up in. A "leaving of the nest" that a lot of people my age go through. I haven't taken that step due to convenience and staying close to the nest to make sure the Mother and Father birds are taken care of...but I'm thinking that maybe it's time. "Everything happens in good time, and in good time will things be revealed for the better." Do you know who said that? I don't. I may or may not have just made it up. The point is, in terms of life steps and making progress in this simultaneous pontification and unsurprisingly egregious journey that we homo sapiens are currently calling "Our time on Earth", I've always been a step or two behind. I'm a late bloomer what can I say? It took me three days to open my eyes when I was born, so it doesn't surprise me that I'm a little behind in experiencing things people my age have already experienced. I always knew I'd be the last of my graduating class to move out of my parents house and start living on my own. I definitely think when I get back home I'll be making the necessary steps to move out of my folks home and start spreading my wings a bit.

To the people that said goodbye to me in the last week(s) I was home? Thank You, it meant a lot. That means you people in Hartford, people at Red Robin, people in Boston, people on Facebook, people on Myspace, people who read this, people in Polland and people on Neptune. To the people I didn't say goodbye to and didn't see? It doesn't mean I don't like you, it means you didn't say Happy Birthday to me on Facebook and I'm exacting my revenge. It also means I'm not leaving permanently, it means i'm returning in June to continue my quest to be the World's Greatest Pokemon Master. I'm returning to Red Robin, not so sure about the driving job. I've got summer acting plans with my good friend Dan "Captain God-damned Kirk" Kahan and company. I've got a shitload to figure out about the next step in my life so yeah, i'm coming back to Boston. I'll be sure to update this quite a bit. There's no internet in the apartment yet, so the frequency of my updates will have to be contingent on how often I make Starbucks runs. Peace for now.

~!~

An update? Well alright...

2012-02-13T00:02:00.000-08:00

So after going out with a few people from Red Robin(the place I wait tables at for those of us following along), I decided that in my semi-inebriated state I might update this blog that I sort-of-kind-of take seriously because I like to catalog my thoughts from time to time. Also I found out that some people actually DO follow it, so it was a nice boost to my gradually dwindling internet-ego...
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Let's see...what's new? I'm moving to Maryland. WHAT?!? Yeah...but only for 4 months. I've accepted a teaching/performing position in Federick Maryland. I'll be teaching/performing for different middle schools in Maryland, and performing in three(?) shows for a rep in the same company. It's pretty awesome. I'll be getting paid, and I'll be adding a few spots to my resume' while I'm at it. Yeah I found this out in early January. WHY haven't I posted an entry talking all about it? Probably the same reason why your school hasn't told you more about sex education other than "if it feels good it's from the devil": some things are better found out as they're happening. The real reason being I haven't had the time. I've been busy working the two part-time jobs I've had all while trying to take care of family matters(not the show), and trying to maintain my love connection (still not the show), simultaneously trying not to wipeout(not the show...but I had to slip it in...)(THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!)

So I'm moving to Federick in less than a week. Six days. Am I nervous? FUUUUCK yeah...I mean it's not everyday an actor has to relocate to suit the needs of his craft. Wait...maybe it is, but it's not everyday the time it's going to happen sort of creeps up on you without realizing/taking in account of the time that's passed...okay maybe I'm not making a strong case for myself, but the fact is in about 6 days I'll be making the 8-10 hour drive down to Maryland to begin this four month journey, and it may or may not Just be hitting me as I'm typing this/about 4 Makers & Ginger Ale's ago.

The long-distance with the girlfriend is gonna be hard, but then again who's long-distance relationship is easy? Our relationship was forged through long-distance, so honestly I'm not worried because the only way we'll EVER break up is if I cheat on her...and let me address that for a second. We started dating when my life was in New York City. New. York. City. Have you been to New York City? Have you seen the women that occupy New York City?? They're not exactly all Jersey Shore rejects. Most of them are Goddamned A-grade 100% Fuckable. I mean bring out the baby oil Shirley, cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride down the pike(*Insert Sex Allusion Here*). The point is, I went six months through that bonafide temptation island (Get it? Cause Manhattan is an...Oh forget it!!), and I never ONCE laid a finger on another woman in attempts to invade paris, plant my flag, initiate contact, capture the flag(say when, I've got plenty more...). Keep in mind that was with NO guarantee that I was coming back home EVER. I'm leaving for four months and I still plan on coming home to my baby. Sooooo, should I be worried? Unless for some odd reason Scarlett Johansson is planning a weekend trip to Maryland I think my relationship status is safe. Or Gabriel Union. Vanessa Ann Hudgens...ish.

In other news? If you've heard of a workout called Insanity and you've been curious to try it and you haven't? You should. Insanity is the best thing I've done for my body besides Ecstasy in years. And I'm certainly not advocating the use of illegal drugs, I'm just saying it's fucking amazing and should be taken in EVERY dose imaginable. Seriously? I thought I was in pretty decent shape...until I started Insanity. It starts you off with a simple Fit Test, then it decides to show you exactly HOW out of shape you are and then proceeds to brutally kick your ass into shape. Having been through various Martial Arts training regiments, I thought I was ready. I thought, "Yeah, Insanity? I'll whip it out real quick.". Nope. It pushes you and shapes you into a better you. My abs from Freshman year of college are coming back. They'd probably come back quicker if I didn't have the occasional beer and Red Robin Burger twice a week or so, but they're coming. My stamina is increased. My muscles have more of a shape. You may be reading this and think it's a simple plug? It's a fact. I've never felt better since I started this workout and only wish I started sooner.

In a non-related note? I didn't watch the Grammy's, although I did briefly watch Chris Brown's and Nicki Minaj's performances. Having followed the Chris Brown/Rihanna what-the-fuck-ever for as long as it's been going on, and having thought the young man has fallen off of his previous dancing talents, I've gotta say I was impressed with the moves he accrued...sans the high-flying circus acts. Nicki Minaj? Well...it's a good thing she has a googleable figure, because the woman has a vision...and I'm not sure we the people saw it in the same not-so-rose-colored glasses as she did. I mean weird is a fucking understatement I don't know WHAT the hell she was thinking with what she put up. Exorcism meets one too many tabs of that California bred LSD...I wonder how long it'll take for her to lose her Christian-based fan-base. Holy damn, seriously, Youtube Nicki Minaj Grammy performance 2012 and see for yourself what kind of crazy she was sucking on before she stepped onstage. I eventually will watch the rest of the performances, particularly Adele's because I happen to think she's quite spectacular, but more on that later.

~!~

We Need Drama!!

2011-12-06T12:01:00.000-08:00

Alright...I know what you're thinking. Something along the lines of "Say WHAAAAAT". No? Over the top? Whatever. Anyway, it's something I've been pondering as of late. Why do we keep talking to our friends who just continue to give us endless amounts of grief and suffering every time we talk to them? Is it because we feel sorry for the fact that they dropped their 600 dollar phone in their 10,000 dollar toilet while receiving a 30 dollar blowjob? Most likely not. It's because at our very center, we as humans are problem solving machines. Even going back to when we're all children, we're given blocks with different shapes to put into their corresponding holes. If you fail? Congratulations, enjoy working the grill at your local Wendys. If you succeed? Good. You're on your way to becoming another problem solving human being.

The truth is, we all have problems. Duh. What we do with those problems is our definitive factor. Some of us like to complain, others like to confront...and unfortunately most these days post them on their local social networking sight in hopes that someone on the internet will give a damn and offer sympathy. What keeps us going on this semi-permanent mental road called 'sanity', is exercising that little hamster that some of us ignore in our heads; you know, the one that executes problem solving and logical choices, outcomes and whatnot? What keeps us not so much entertained or stimulated, as a people, is the task of solving even the most miniscule problems life brings everyday. We're taught from infancy that solving problems brings rewards. When we're children: we get hungry? We cry. Food is brought to us. We get tired? We sleep. The neighbor's dog is incessantly barking? We feed it a handful of fertilized leaves and watch it slowly choke on it's own vomit.

When we grow older, these problems escalate. Not in severity, but in terms of variation and occurrence. We grow to know more people, and these people that we come to know have issues and dilemmas. Now, the problems that we have are no longer simply our own, but they originate from those we care about. And maybe they're stupid, maybe they're huge and just maybe are they problems that can be solved by literally dropping a television on someones head. As we grow into maturity, we become accustomed to figuring out a slew of issues. Eventually, we start to look forward to it and even yearn for it. Hence why we're still friends with that girl who ALWAYS has a problem with her roommates late-night phone calls, or why maura still talks to the guy who relentlessly flirts with her despite her having a boyfriend who's a UFC fighter...

We're meant to problem solve. That's why one of our favorite past-times is crossword puzzles. That's why the people that choose to become Psychologists, besides pornstars, are some of the most satisfied people on the planet; because they've made a career of helping people de-stress and fix issues in their lives(note that the statement was directed moreso at the aforementioned profession...depending on who you know). I for one happen to like being the guy that people go to for advice. Not only because I pride myself on working out problems, and being exceptionally good at it, but because the very few people in this world that I wouldn't throw into a bear's nest soaked in honey, I care about and love to help. Also I happen to take pride in knowing a little more than the average person, but that's my own ego speaking. Ish. Try and think about the last time you had a "perfect" day without any drama. Can't? That's because a perfect day for us includes a day where we work out all the present-day's issues, and still have time to find more for tomorrow.

~!~

The Way Things Used To Be

2011-12-06T10:44:00.000-08:00

So I'm at work tonight, and a mix of 90's rap music comes on. Of course, with the onslaught of "Dirty I got ya money's" and Biggie Smalls songs, the employees and I engage in the popular conversation about how music isn't what it used to be...because today it sucks. Huge donkey balls. No actually...not donkey. Cape Buffalo. Yeah, THAT'S how drastic the comparison is. You can say that people basically still talk about the same things: Money, Sex, Cars, Ho's, Houses, Stabbing, Killing, Drugs...basically any and everything you'd find in the first five minutes of any Law and Order episode.

In any case, like most things said at 8 o' clock on a Sunday with a wad of cash in my pocket, it got me to thinking: Why are things that are in the past, often better than those in the present? I mean think about it: Food, Movies, Sex, Books...hell even Marriage has taken a huge fuckin hit, and supposedly communication between our species has improved with the drastic development of technology over the past 15 or so years *pause for laughter*. Think about the last movie you saw. If you're anything like me, and you have an 18 year old girlfriend, it was more than likely Twilight: Breaking Dawn. Now think about the movies that your grandparents saw in the theaters. If you can come up with more than Casablanca? Congratulations, you're either an old fart or you've seen something more in your life than all four of James Cameron's movies...

The truth is: Things were better in the past. Not just because most people got it right the first time, but because the majority of their originality stems from the fact that they were the first to do it. Think of how great some things are that we do the first time, and how dull and flacid they soon become after we've done them over and over and OVER again(That may have been an innuendo...I'll get back to you on that). To me? The cartoons I watched as a kid are ALWAYS going to be the best damned cartoons I've ever seen. Batman, Looney Tunes, Captain Planet, Dragon Ball Z, and the first three seasons of Pokemon are still regarded as the most wonderful experience I've had remaining stationary and slowly deteriorating my vision. Then you have the cartoons of today. A six year old can argue with me about why Batman The Brave and The Bold is a much better series than the original Batman: The Animated Series...but then I'd have to hurl them into a wood-chipper. The reason for that being is because the latter series based on a grown man who dresses up like a flying rodent, is the first time that particular story has stimulated and introduced me to THAT particular idea.

Another example could be music. For instance, my girlfriend is obsessed with Taylor Swift. I for one(in actuality many...) don't see what the big fuckin deal is. I also, to put it bluntly, don't care. My favorite artists are Biggie Smalls, Jay-Z, Eminem and Ne-Yo. My girlfriend doesn't like Biggie because she thinks rap is disgusting, doesn't get the big deal about why Jay-Z is fucking amazing, hates Eminem because he's an asshole(which is true but he's an AWESOME asshole) and only listens to Ne-Yo because I may or may not have an undeclared man-crush on him...maybe. The point being these are artists I will forever put above everyone else, JUST because in many cases these were my first introductions to these particular ideas that appealed to me: A fat man with skill, A Black man with ambition, A White man defying all the odds, and a man who happens to sing songs that coincide with my life at any given moment. The fact is a lot of these people that did something spectacular in the past paved the road for others to follow. Some have done great things with that opportunity, and others succumbed to the formula that they thought worked. Michael Bay continues to make movies about tits, explosions and...more tits; however he has yet to make anything actually meaningful in my opinion. I think Mr. Bay is incredible don't get me wrong, but that's his criteria for his work. There's tons of examples I can go into, sadly enough I don't have that kind of patience and I have to poop.

We will always look to the past for improvement, because the future as it turns out, happens to be an expansion of the outcome resulting from an idea of a first action. The first movie we ever saw may in turn be the best, but not the first movie that 8 year-old tiffany saw with her grampy. The relativity in experiences has a fucking lot to do with it obviously, but for those of you wondering why most of us hate Justin Beiber? Besides him being the very definition of the word douche-dripped-teeny-bopping-ass-muncher, he won't compare to what a lot of us regard as "real" talent...Also he's a douche.

~!~

MUCH needed update

2011-10-30T15:02:00.000-07:00

Yes it's been a while. No I'm not dead. No I do not have an explanation as to why I haven't updated this. Truth be told I've been busy slash haven't really had anything new to talk about. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my last post, but I moved back to Boston. For a number of different reasons, but the main one was realizing that I moved for the wrong one. Reason that is, I moved because I wanted to move, and not because I was ready or thought it was the right thing for me to be doing. After my plan to go to L.A. went down the drain, I remembered that most of my fellow AT(Actor Training) and MT(Musical Theater) majors moved to New York in pursuit of our craft. I decided to follow suit aaaaand realized after a few months it wasn't for me.

It's not the fact that I couldn't find a job. It's not the fact that the lifestyle was an adjustment. It's the fact that from the minute I unpacked and got settled into where I was staying, that it never felt right. It never sat well with me. It never felt like I was doing what I was supposed to do. Does that sound crazy? Good, I didn't think so. New York is an awesome city. I'm not even attempting to placate the city (not like it needs it...), but it's energy is addicting. It's lifestyle, it's charisma, it's pulse, it's blood, it's sweat, it's smile, it's strength...it's everything and more you could want from a city and more. There's no question as to why it's considered the greatest city in the world...but it wasn't for me and isn't the place where I'm supposed to go next. Where is? That's a very good question I'm glad you asked me.

I'm living back home for the moment. Home as in Boston. I moved back July 27th-ish, and got a job at Red Robin the next day. So I'm a waiter, yes, and I actually did update (sort of) by saying I'm working at a Red Robin, but never gave details as to where...so sorry? Not that it really matters anyway because if you ARE reading this, you probably knew anyway so...blehh.
ANYWAY I've been here for the last three months, and I'm also working at my old driving job in Braintree. I'm making money enough to pay my bills and give me a good idea as to how much I'll need to spend a month, and save for things I really need, like my new Droid EVO phone. It's amazing but I'll get into that in a later post. The plan is to be out in L.A. at some point. Not sure when that's gonna be, but it is in the books. Not only do I need to be out there, but I need to be out there. Plain and simple. Just like that.

ALRIGHT I'll admit it, I forgot about this. Honestly i've been busy with a lot of things...and NO not just playing Batman: Arkham City, but other things as well a blah-blah-blah. Anyway thanks for reading and I'll be sure to update more often. Carpe Diem

~!~

Drive: Ryan Gosling proves he's a badass

2011-09-22T21:06:00.000-07:00

I know what you're thinking: It's been over a month since you've updated Nate, and you're talking about the same dude who made tween suburban girls cry by pouring his heart out to Rachel McAdams only to have her meet a depressing end about ten minutes later *SPOILER ALERT*...ish.

Well, get over it. I've been busy working and taking care of blahblahbladdyblahblah you know the deal. In any case, I saw this movie with my girlfriend. Despite what she says, my girlfriend shares the same snatch-wetting desire for Ryan Gosling as the majority of American women. Let's face it, he's best known for The Notebook, and he's sort of become an icon for what happens when you screw logic, build a house, and take the virginity of the antagonist from Mean Girls. Why am I talking about The Notebook so much? Because up until about an hour ago, that's basically what I had to base my opinion of Ryan Gosling on, and didn't believe he could do much more than the 'aggressive romancer' type...I was wrong.

I'll make this one quick: Drive starts off with an easy premise: He drives. He drives well. He likes toothpicks, he wears pretty effeminate driving gloves (And I MUST have them...), and he drives. Did I say that? Yup. Subtle elements of Transporter show up, like the fact that he's constantly moving and strictly abides to a "five-minute window" during jobs; in which the clients have five minutes to complete the job, and if they're late? It's their ass. "...during that five minutes I'm yours. Anything before or after you're on your own". I definitely saw elements of Jason Statham's work in it, however Gosling makes the film his own. Very little is known or revealed about his character. Where he came from, grew up, learned to drive so damned well and why he is the way he is...a mystery. As far as we know the man was born with Mobil gas in his veins.

Ryan Gosling definitely comes through as the tough guy. His performance isn't forced, and doesn't feel like he decided to watch Dirty Harry one too many times. Gosling's character isn't completely void of sentiment. There are a couple of moments he has with the neighbors son that were nice, and there were a couple of times when "shit got real", where we see the very real human behind the one-word answers peek through.
The car sequences are great. There aren't as many to make you sick like watching ANY of the Fast and the Furious movies, but there are enough that will satisfy your need for testosterone. The supporting characters in this all fulfill their need. What I mean by that is no character is necessarily wasted, adversely no character is necessarily missed. The "Love interest" isn't actually that interesting to be honest, and you can pretty much flip a coin and see the "predicament" or "obstacle" coming that "prevents" her and Gosling's character from being together. If you're wondering why I used an obnoxious amount of quotations? Watch the movie and you'll see what I mean.

All in all Drive is pretty damned awesome. Worth the money and worth the time. There's a surprising amount of gore that appears to come out of nowhere, but then again you are paying for a "Rated-R" ticket. I don't do the whole "star" system, so if you're expecting a number I'm giving this, there is none. See it if you want to remember Gosling for something other than that guy who falls in love with the Queen of the Plastics, and then later turns into James Gardner.

~!~

30 Minutes or Less: A movie that feels like 30 Minutes or Less

2011-08-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

When this movie first started showing its previews in theaters, I was a little skeptical. Not only because I don't really find Aziz Ansari(The Indian guy) necessarily funny, but I was under the impression that Jessie Eisenberg wouldn't look like anyone else to me than the asshole who started a popular social networking site because his girlfriend dumped him and called him a...well, an asshole.

30 Minutes is a movie like they don't make anymore, and that's a bit of a shame. It's a bit on the short side of things (around 80 something minutes), but it honestly gives you just about everything you might need from a movie. You get introduced to the main characters, their current status, their lifestyles and motivations in a way that seems handed to you on a silver platter. Very little work has to go into following this movie. If you're honestly lost at any point of the film, then damn. Simply damn.

The thing I actually love about this movie is the simplicity. Yeah it's a wacky buddy comedy, but most of the comedies that are made these days either follow the same formula as the Hangover: two to four guys; one of them a dumbass and the other a sex-stallion usually. Or they follow the tried and never failed method of putting two well-known and well-liked stars in the same movie with a very very predictable plot *cough* No Strings Attached *cough* Friends With Benefits *cough*.

The only thing I didn't like about this movie is the backstories felt kind of forced. Actually, most of the information felt forced in different ways. Danny McBride was great as usual in my book. I have no idea who the other guy is, but he fulfilled his quota as the dumb sidekick who has a "moment" at the end. Scratch that, ALL information you receive in this movie is sort of forced, and the 83 minute run-time sort of explains that, but then again this isn't a documentary. As I said before, you get spoonfed the information about the characters and the plot as if you had never seen a movie before, and in many ways that's the appeal of the film. There's no doubt in my mind that you will feel smarter than this movie. If you're going for a serious flick with an engaging backstory? Don't see this movie. If you're going because you want to laugh at some ridiculous shit for about an hour and 23 minutes? See this movie.

I honestly didn't expect to like this movie. I'm not saying it's comedy of the year, but it kept me laughing. Eisenberg and Ansari's chemistry was unexpectedly great and fun to watch. Jessie has a touching moment which, although unsure how to feel about it, was considerably more range than what you saw in The Social Network. Aziz was funny too, and made me want to watch some of his stand-up and other work to form an honest opinion. The last thing I saw him in was Scrubs, and he wasn't exactly a riot. What you see is what you get. Is it worth paying movie prices? Nah. Wait for it on Netflix to be honest. I mean I went because I love going to movies, but that's just me. See it if you want to see a simple comedy. Kirk out.

~!~

Why do Actors become waiters?

2011-08-12T22:41:00.000-07:00

Here's the thing about me: I have a number of epiphanies a day. Usually, if unimportant, it's something I don't really remember or log away for another time when it then becomes useful. Today, this epiphany came during work and lasted through dinner and a movie with the Girlfriend. I realized why most Actors become waiters. We choose to be waiters because it's the most rewarding role we'll have before/while we get a real acting job.

Being a waiter requires a few things: A smile, patience, positivity and a great attitude. I'm sure there are plenty of books and articles that will go into greater detail about this than this excerpt on a seldom read page on a free blogging website on the internet; however these are indeed individual observations. In any case, from the minute you greet a guest, you drive your own destiny. You control how much money they're going to leave you as a tip for writing down their order and bringing them their food and/or drinks. It all depends on how you talk to them, how you treat them, and how much you make them feel like they're the only ones sitting in a crowded restaurant.

The reason why I say that it's a role, is because very rarely will you show the people you're serving who you really are. As soon as you get sat, you're facade goes up and the real you either disappears, or embodies what they want/need to see. I know for a fact that there's a clear difference on how I talk to someone I know that I'm serving, and a couple of people that I've never met and need to charm into giving me enough so I can fill up my tank or buy that pair of jeans that I've always wanted but have been oh so nervous to get.

Actors love this because not only are you able to "perform" every single day, you almost immediately get paid for it, and you walk out of your "stage" with money in your pocket. They say money can't buy happiness, but as I previously stated, there aren't that many homeless people that I know of skipping down the streets begging for change. It's a great feeling walking around with money in your pocket. Money gives one power. Even if you only have a dollar in you pocket, that's a stick of gum. Or an order of french fries. Or a taco. Or 19 away from an appetizer combo at your local Chili's.

Most actors have to audition for a good amount of time before they actually get a gig that gives them the opportunity to walk out with money in their pockets every single day. Also for a starving actor that works in a restaurant, you almost never have to pay for food; if you work long enough, you can get either hooked up with food, or an untouched order that someone didn't want and there ya go: A fully-cooked cheeseburger with cheddar, bacon and onion straws...that was an actual order today and it was oozing with cholesterol. I had a salad. Honest.

That being said, I'll reiterate what I said on my Facebook blog: I absolutely love working at Red Robin. Not only are most of the people nice there, but I almost always walk out with at least 50 bucks a shift. Without telling you how much I make there, I've made more than what I made in a month in New York in three days; and I haven't even started my other job yet. I'm not saying I'm greedy, but I'm definitely feeling a hell of a lot more secure than I did a month ago. Anyway, that's my story. I'm sure I'll revisit this topic and update you if/when my feelings change. Kirk out.

~!~

Destiny vs. Fate: Reason

2011-08-11T22:39:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about destiny, fate, or whatever...same idea. The idea that we don't have any control over what happens in our life. The idea that no matter what choices we make, which path we take, our end result is predetermined. We as humans struggle, wriggle, weave, squirm, and long to break free from this man-conceived notion of not having any control in our lives. Why? The way we think, the way our bodies are designed, the way things are in our lives, the earth, the planet, the universe...it's all organized. Everything has it's place. Those that don't? Are dissolved and done away with. For instance, our Appendix. Developed to aid our digestion during the time when our diet consisted of mostly foliage, as we moved onto foods that aren't as animal friendly, the use of the appendix dissipated until it one day becomes an unfortunate inconvenient pain in the side that grants you an unpleasant emergency room visit with stale pudding and an unfortunate boner...that last part may or may not be made up. Ish.

And what about the idea that we're completely free to make our own choices? There is no proverbial path that we walk in life that's predicted and set out. There is no invisible string in which the choices we make hang, and await the time for us to make them. Every outcome, from the beginning of our lives, instead of an unpleasant game of operation, is actually a terrifying game of Russian Roulette. There is no predetermined way, path, reason or story for any of us. We write it as we go, thus the most terrifying part of life. The image of walking into a meadow and choosing either to go into the forest, dive in a creek or gallop across a field on horses comes to mind. In other words the choice we make is totally ours to make. That's the illusion most people have in their minds, and about a couple handfuls of people on this earth actually live.

I suppose this is where I give my actual outlook on this topic. The thing is, I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that there's no such thing as a coincidence or something that has no purpose(i.e. the Appendix). I believe that there actually is a reason for everyone on this planet, but I don't believe that our journey in getting to that point, or realizing that reason is something anyone has plotted out. It's discovered. It's learned. It's more often than not, planned as we go. In many aspects, I see the end result as "waveringly solid" or "circumstantially predetermined"; in other words, I think the reason why we're all here, individually, is set in stone. I think in that aspect, we all have a choice: to either fulfill our reason or "destiny", or to make choices that lead away from that endgame. Our endgame can range from anything: To help a great number of people, or to live forever. For instance, Michael Jackson will live forever. For as long as human history goes on, he will forever be mentioned. I'm not saying that because I'm a huge fan, I'm saying that because it's true. Same with the Beatles. Same with Oprah. Same with Bill Clinton. All for different reasons, and all very different people; but they've fulfilled their reason for being on this planet, or they're on their way to.

That reason we're all here can elude certain people, and they don't know why they're here in this life(i.e. feeling lost). I have a friend who's a DJ. He's a fun guy and a good friend, but I often wonder if his destiny is to go about this path for the rest of his life. He certainly can, he's damned good at it and he's great with people. I wonder if he's even asked himself that. I mean we're about the same age, so it's not like he doesn't have time to figure it out. I often think to myself: "If he wasn't DJ-ing, what would this man be doing with his life besides not answering his phone?". I run that same train of thought for all of my friends. I run that same train of thought for myself even. I love acting, but is that why I'm here? Is there a reason I went to school for acting? Did the plays I did? Had the experiences I had? Talked to the people I talked to? Am at the skill level I'm at? I personally think the question as to why we're here, can and should be asked by everyone who hasn't figured it out yet, and especially by those who have. I'll more than likely go on about this again in a future post. Till then, Kirk out.

~!~

Friends With Benefits = The Rollercoaster movie of the summer...

2011-07-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

By no means does this title mean that this movie is a slam-bang action thriller? No. It means that it's a movie that just about anyone with an IQ over 4 can predict, but is at least enjoyable all the way through. Like a roller coaster. When you ride one you see the drops and dips before they happen, so you're not really surprised when you drop 30 feet suddenly; unless you're a complete wimp like me and has his eyes closed...
Enough about my aversion to theme park rides that kill unsuspecting thrill seekers each year, this is about an entertaining movie with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. For anyone who is at least remotely familiar with mainstream movies, knows that this exact same movie came out with Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher; the latter half of that equation I'm about as fond of as head lice. Oh, and in case you think I'm exaggerating,
The movie starts off engaging enough, introducing back story on both of the main characters you'll be needing to pay attention to for the next hour and so minutes. Both characters are interesting enough, and both are humorous and have the drive to take this story through it's 'unexpected' bumps and to it's OH so natural conclusion. Needless to say, I found this movie VERY predictable. Let's face it, anyone who has sex will know how this movie is going to end. Anyone who has ever had sex will know that *SPOILER ALERT BUT NOT REALLY* the girl is the one who will become emotionally attached and want more, and the guy will want to continue simply exchanging bodily fluids without any sort of commitment; it's not so much knowing movies, it's more so knowing human fucking nature.
My feelings about this particular topic aside, the movie is surprisingly enjoyable. There wasn't a particular "plot twist" I didn't see coming, but it was still fun and hilarious at times to watch. I thoroughly enjoyed watching Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis interact with each other. It was great to see their chemistry go from awkward, unfamiliar, and nervous to familiar, filled with spark and somewhat addicting. The way they work together onscreen makes you forget that a situation like this can only end badly. Again, if anyone's actually been in a Friends With Benefits situation, knows that if you're a man, you're simply in it for sex. If you're a woman, you're also in it for sex...but more than likely you will become emotionally attached. I've been in this situation a few times, and I can honestly say that I was never the one who wanted more than something to do during halftime.
Friends With Benefits is a clear case of 'What-You-See-Is-What-You-Get'. You'll laugh when you need to, and you'll feel bad for whoever you're supposed to. It has elements that enhance the storyline at times, but in the end you'll walk out of it feeling like you knew how it was gonna end; and odds are if you're smart enough to tie your shoes, you'll get it. Enjoy this movie, because it is enjoyable and fun. It's a great movie, and from what I hear much MUCH better than it's predecessor. Plus, if you're confused on how Hollywood thinks your body should look this summer, you've got Mila and Justin to look at.

~!~

Dick Talk

2011-07-29T18:20:00.000-07:00

No. To answer your question:"Did I misread this title? Is it actually called 'Dick Talk'??". The answer is no, that's exactly what we will be discussing at this very moment. More so my discussing and explaining this radical way in which we communicate with the ones we love/want to bone/wish we weren't boning. It's actually a lot more common that you think my friend. If you yourself aren't guilty of this, then either your significant other or someone you know most definitely is.
Alright, what is 'Dick Talk'? Dick Talk is defined as the talk that one engages in specifically to have sex. That's it...Ok well, it's not really defined as anything officially, but it's something that everyone engages in whether they realize it or not. Men, think about this: Have you ever been talking to your girl? Have you been saying sweet things, things that have her swooning over how great a guy you are? Have you been promising things like, "cuddling until the sun comes up" "Hold you until the world feels right", etc? Alright. Now do you have a boner? You're dick talking, plain and simple.
Most women will immediately realize when they've been successfully Dick-Talked. They'll remember when the last time was that they've been told sweet things, things they've never expected to hear. Then they'll realize that after they've had sex with said person, that these sweet things have dissipated, if not altogether disappeared. This isn't uncommon. And the worst part? EVERYONE fucking does it.
Men: Have you been talking with a girl being real real sweet and whatnot? THEN, in a spectacular turn of events, has she started getting somewhat graphic in response to your charm? Well, not so much graphic as...obliging to your desires and needs? That's because true to fashion and actual research, women engage in Dick Talk as well as men. More so, it's been clinically proven that women want sex just as much as men do if not more. Also true to fashion, women have manipulated the game of 'Dick-Talking' so much that they've made it into a game so far advanced it's taken on a different name of 'fore-play'. After the illicit act of 'bumpin uglies', you'll notice she might be somewhat let down or disappointed. This has nothing to do with you, she's been betrayed by the dick-talk. Because of woman's many emotional needs during sex, her mind builds up the act when she engages in Dick-Talk. No matter how good the guy is, she's already on such an emotional pedestal, that it will seem like a waste or not at all worth it by the end. And she'll remain cold and unreachable until she realizes that her own method of 'Dick-Talking' has backfired, and that she has to try and new method...and when THAT fails she'll realize she's a lesbian and swear off all men, but that's a different topic.
Dick-Talk affects us all people. Spread the word.

~!~

Where oh where has the time gone?

2011-07-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

This past Monday, July the 4th, I had the honor of Bartending the event of The Honorable Kreepy K called Independents Day. Great people, better music, and bestest fireworks. It was looking to be a great day filled with nothin but the best of times...until the boys in blue showed up. THAAAAT's right, not only did we have to immediately evacuate(most people didn't...), they stepped in right in the middle of a kick-assed song. The most ironic part? The officer was british. On the fourth of July, a rooftop celebration celebrating the day of our independence from England, an officer of English decent albeit African-American as well, decides to break up our party. I would have laughed furiously if I wasn't in so much shock. In any case the pigs left and we ended up finishing off the booze. I went back to my post as the most charismatic bartender that rooftop has ever seen, and made a good amount of change doing so. The drawback? I was dead assed tired the next day, and I'm pretty sure I shat a steady stream of beer.

Two days ago it was my 9 month anniversary with my girlfriend. Nine. Like...a pregnancy. Does that scare me? Hell yes. I haven't had a relationship go longer than three months since 2006. I also have never felt this way about someone in a long time, ever to the degree I feel it for her. I also went to an audition today, but didn't go in. I got there, and realized very soon after I was standing in this line that stretched all around the block, that I didn't want to be there. I don't want to be on Broadway. I don't want to go for a Tony award...not yet anyway. I love acting don't get me wrong, but I was at the wrong audition I felt. I feel like I jumped at the idea simply because it was a show I've done before, and I was familiar with the music.

I'm starting to realize that I'm not alone with my sentiments about New York City. I don't like it and I never will. Nothing personal to the Big Apple, because I will concede that it is the most exciting city in the world. It's the goddamned capital of the world. It's the greatest city that the-blahblahBLERGblaht...I just will not love it. At first I thought it was due to stubbornness, but then I soon realized that most people in New York don't like New York. I'll elaborate on this, among other theories, in later posts.

~!~

Transformers 3: New and Improved

2011-07-04T00:38:00.000-07:00

Well it came time again for the long-awaited, and perhaps feared, sequel to Transformers 2. Say what you want about Michael Bay, he has yet to fail in his goal, and/or not live up to his reputation for explosions. Mr. Bay's movies deliver action. Pure and simple, action and adrenaline. However Transformers 3 delivers with Bay's usual repertoire and then some.
I'm going to avoid spoilers and merely give my opinion of the movie here. The first thing I want to say is GOOD. FUCKING. RIDDANCE Megan Fox. Although hot as scorching hell, let's be truthful here sweetie-pie: Ya can't act your way out of a ziploc bag. You had just about everything going for you in the first two films...Well at least we all learned an important lesson: Run your mouth about a highly-paid, well-known director in Hollywood movies, and you get to do shit like Jennifer's Body; which I ALMOST thought about seeing, but I decided to save myself the trouble and slam my head into a glass pane instead.
That being said, the new and improved model(no pun intended)outshines and makes us forget all about Ms. Fox's wooden performance. In fact, just about everything in this movie is better: The fight scenes are clearer, the story has substance and keeps you interested, and the best part? The 3D glasses are necessary. You HAVE to see this movie in 3D. Have to. I'm sure it'll look fine on regular dvd when it comes out, but this is a movie movie.
The one thing this movie does particularly well is it makes you care. It draws you in from the point where things start to go directly to hell, to the point where you're asking yourself:"I know this is a movie but...Holy shit what're they gonna do??" A movie hasn't made me feel that way in a very long time. Usually movies for me are easy to predict, and there were some moments where I saw a particular plot twist coming, but even then I had my doubts. There's a particular moment towards the end where a tear came to my eye. A tear. Because of a movie. A movie with transforming cars. Yup. Also when the decepticons invade? Oh the saints go marching in believe me. It's one of the best "alien invasion" sequences that you'll ever see, mainly because of the sheer terror it instills in you as the viewer. I'm sure during that scene everyone says to themselves at some point "Holy damn...this could be my town. What in living FUCK would I do??"

Lastly, Michael Bay uses every character. Sure the campy parts with the parents are dialed down a bit, but they're there and they're funny. Michael Bay most definitely succeeded with this film. Perhaps the reason why is because we were sure it would be absolute shit. I mean those of us who saw Green Lantern knew it was gonna be terrible, aaaand we were right. Regardless this movie I DEFINITELY recommend everyone see, and see it with a friend. Don't be that guy that goes to movies alone. And also don't be that guy that talks on his phone during the film. Otherwise I'll find you and kick you in the scrotum myself. Good day.

~!~

Hello June

2011-06-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

So the new job is going well. I went from Bartending to running in a matter of weeks. Not exactly a promotion, but with a show that's closed now due to lack of ratings and interest, there is now one less house open. One less house open means less shifts to give out. Less shifts to give out means...well, less shifts to give out. Now being one who often thinks four steps ahead of the average man, saw this dreaded pattern of events coming. So what's a man to do? Stick to the conventional method: I asked my boss for more shifts.
Not a lot of people realize that if you want something from a superior, it doesn't help to stand around in groups and complain. Sure that gives you all a sense of unity and understanding, being in the same situation, but it doesn't really accomplish anything. I asked for more shifts because ultimately, I'm in New York to make money. That's it. I'm not trying to start a career. I'm not trying to build up my empire. I'm here to work and maybe jump on a few acting opportunities or training that comes my way. In any case so I started running permanently at the Brooks Atkinson theater, where Rain is playing; the tribute show to the Beatles.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a particular fan of the Beatles. For one thing, I don't see the big deal. I should say I didn't, however, the idea is still there. I didn't know anything about them until 8th grade. My parents never talked about them. To this DAY I couldn't tell you the four members off the top of my head. When I started serving at the Brooks, I asked the people I was working with "What do you find likeable about the Beatles?". A simple enough question. It wasn't a scrutinizing one, just a question developed from curiosity. They all gave me an answer along the same lines: The Beatles are great because they started off as a group with great music and catchy tunes, and evolved with sophistication and became a staple in the history of not just music, but of america. As the show goes on, I'm usually reading a book I borrowed from a friend of mine Sal, De Niro; which as the title suggests is a biography about Robert De Niro, the greatest screen actor of our time. Slowly but surely, I put down this thrilling book at times and watch the show and I see them evolve onstage. Not in one instance mind you, but over the course of the show, like they've done over years. It's actually quite fantastic if you're into the Beatles, I DEFINITELY recommend you see this show
My harping about The Beatles show aside, I've progressed greatly in my Brazilian Mixed Martial Arts classes. Everything I'm being taught is coming naturally to me. No doubt due to my previous training, but more so due to the fact that I'm approaching this training with a Tabula Rasa(Blank Slate) mindset. I could've gone into it saying I've done this sort of thing before, but I'd rather not. I didn't want to call unnecessary attention to myself, also I didn't want to overfill my head with things I assumed I knew. I wanted to approach this like I approached my Tae Kwon Do training years ago; as if I knew nothing, and it's working out splendidly. Hopefully by next month I'll be moving up to Mastery and I can REALLY start training. Until then, I'm going to be patient and learn as if I've never threw a Tornado Round kick into a leg-drag.

~!~

Winds of Change! About frickin time...

2011-04-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

So last time I posted I wasn't EXACTLY in the best of places, but thankfully things are starting to look up. I'm not even going to start the whole "Things-do-get-better" speech because honest-above-honest? I got lucky. I was in the right place at the right time, and I knew the right people. That being said I'm not disregarding my success, and saying I don't deserve it/didn't work hard for it, but I'm saying that not giving up is one of the essential lessons I've learned from this city, and one that I will NOT stop here in applying to my everyday life.
Because of a friend of mine, who had absolutely NO reason to help me out the way he did, I now have a job working as a Bartender...on Broadway. No, you didn't misread. I'm Bartending in various theaters week-to-week for the walk-ins and intermissions for different Broadway shows. It's perfect. It's exactly what I needed. Almost everyone who works this job is an actor or performer of sorts, and it's great because I make a decent amount of money each night. Yes, I'm aware "Money doesn't buy happiness", but as a very funny comedian pointed out, you don't see many homeless people skipping down the streets now do you?
Back to the job, I love it. It's simple bartending: mostly highballs (Jack & Coke, Gin & Tonic, etc), wine and beer. It's so simple my ex could do it, and she was clinically afraid of math. I also got paid for the Apollo Stage Managing job I did back on the 16th of April. Not only has my job situation improved for the better, I also have a little bit of change in my pocket. Does it mean I'm going to blow it all on high-priced items that I'll use for a week and then throw away? No. My name is NOT MC Hammer. Does it mean I'm going to stop eating ramen noodles? Yes. I happen to be a human that likes real food, and not the food that small third-world countries go to war over.
I'm also losing weight. I mean a lot of weight. More weight than I thought, but enough to make me want to lose more. It's funny because me and a good friend of mine Calvin started different diets around the same time, and we're both seeing results. I took my shirt off two mornings ago...and for the first time since about Junior year of college I saw abs. Real abs. Like, I don't know...MAN-abs. I felt like a man. It felt good. Yes in case you're wondering Perfect Pushup works. Check it out if you're looking for definition on your arms, strength and yes. Man-abs.
That's about all that's new with me. After three months of struggling, sweating, a few breakdowns and a LOT of 50-cent ramen cups. Nathan has a job working on Broadway, he's losing weight, feeling better about the decision to come to New York, and he's feeling better about himself. The best part? Oh he's just getting started.

~!~

Do You

2011-04-05T20:15:00.001-07:00

This town, these lights
this mood and this fight,
It strains my resolve
pulls it long, strains it tight,
Yet it's right I suppose
Out of sight are my goals,
How long can I go?
How much more can I sustain?
When I can't see my road
And lose more than I gain?
Have I right to inquire,
Wallow, gripe and complain?
My path is now circled
into dreadful routine,
Lord I wish I had seen,
The bumps, cracks and the faults,
That my journey would start
and abruptly would halt,
Now it's clear that this test
While I'm weighed down and stressed
Breaks my character, reveals
Just why I am blessed,
I could be alone
starving, cold with no home,
Stuck in limbo, stripped truths
And the lies are what's shown,
I know the weak buckle down
And the strong power through,
So with my heels in the ground,
I'm on me
You Do You

~!~

From the Top of a Mountain

2011-04-05T07:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I started thinking about those who tell you to "never give up on your dream", "keep trying" and "nothing worth having comes easy"...and within the midst of the dark cloud that's currently resting comfortably over my head, I've decided that for the most part that's a bunch of sanctimonious shit, and in reality they should really tell the fucking truth.

This is partly coming from my frustration of looking for work for almost two months solid, yes, but for the most part I'm frustrated with everyone I know giving me this preachy shit that would serve me better if I were on an episode of Touched By An Angel. The fact is it's so easy to tell someone 'you can do it if you work hard' when you've already done it. When you go rock-climbing with someone and you're the first one to climb an impossible figure, and you're standing on top of that partially-decaying, probably-going-to-be-destroyed-to-build-a-useless-mall-in-four-years rock, you look down on the people that are behind you struggling.
Whether people realize it or not, we all, in a way, look down in people in a less fortunate position than us. It's not something we do on purpose, it's more of an involuntary survival instinct. If we were all gazelle trying to outrun a lion, we wouldn't look back and put together a committee to try and save the gazelle from being eviscerated by the large undomesticated housecat, we would all run the hell away. Fact. Back to the mountain now, when we climb the difficult terrain and we turn around and see the others behind us, we stand there and verbally encourage our comrades, secretly and subtly look down on them for not being where we are; it's honestly so subtle that very few of us realize it, and feel like complete assholes when we do.
I don't want you to think that I'm unappreciative of the people giving me encouragement, that's not what I'm trying to emphasize with this post. Every time my mentor tells me that it's a struggle, and that 'everyone's gotta go through hard times', I listen. Not only because I trust him and he's right about most things, but because as a fellow Black artist he's been through it. What started this angry post was on the island of Manhattan overhearing a conversation by a group of rich white men. Speaking about their own children, about how "my son says he wants to be like me, and I said 'good luck son, your grades are terrible and no one wants an average lawyer but...good luck. It'll be hard but you can do it".
I'm sure he's up for a father of the year award...
From there I started thinking about all the people that have been telling me similar shit, and it's SO easy to say that when you're on top of your accomplished success. No, I'm not hating, I'm just stating facts. It's partially why I don't take celebrities that seriously. Mostly because they've given up their humanity for a magazine shoot or endorsement deal, but just because it's the easiest thing to preach about hard work and dedication, when you were discovered in a Sears bathroom taking a shit. THAT'S the big reveal in a way, to get what you want in life doesn't depend on work and persistence, it ALL depends on being in the right place at the right time with the right people and the right mind. That's it. There is no 'nose to the grindstone' and 'walking 5 miles back and forth to school with no shoes in the snow'. Maybe a long time ago there was, but those days of work=success disappeared with the invention of Youtube.
I do believe hard work can still get you what you want in life, but in all honestly those days are far and few in between, and getting worst. Just because I haven't been able to lock down a job doesn't mean I'm going to quit. I just want everyone that's been telling me to 'keep trying' to kindly blow it out of your asshole...especially if you're in a better situation than me. I don't need any words of encouragement, I don't need any more pats on the back or sad looks, and I for DAMN sure don't need any more words from you to amplify my situation just to make yourself feel better. The only things I want to hear from people are job openings they might know of, and bags of money that you happen to see on the streets that you might not want to keep.

~!~

Oh good...April Showers

2011-03-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

As I begin the week into April of this year of change, I start reflecting. I wonder if I've made all the right decisions to get where I want to be...Where is that you ask? Alright, you've twisted my arm. See, I'm an Actor. A damn good one if I can say so myself. This is what I'm going to do for as long as I live, in some capacity or another. Like most Actors and Actresses out there, I began my very humble career believing that I was one of the special ones that wanted to act for a living. It wasn't until I went to my first "small" audition that I realized that wanting to be an actor in New York, is like wanting to be an alcoholic in...New York.
My mentor asked me "What do you want from Acting" when I first met him. It took me less than an eighth of a second to answer him, "I want to be successful". I don't want riches or fame. Riches = Problems. Fame = Unwanted Attention and/or STD's. What I want from this endeavor which I've been embarking on for about 15 years now, is to enjoy what I do and be able to support the ones I love because of it. I didn't exactly come from money, and to be able to do something I genuinely want to do instead of memorizing a bunch of legal sh*t that no one really uses, or medical jargon that won't get me laid...would be absolutely splendid.
I go into this last week of March hoping that on that step to success I can land a job that will help me save money. Quite frankly it's not easy nor satisfying being poor and living off of plastic noodles that come to live with the help of bone-searing, microwaved tap water. Nor is it satisfying to go two or three days without a proper shower because you can't afford to buy soap and therefore must shower using dish detergent. Interestingly enough, it's NOT fun to be so poor that instead of looking like a dignified, recent college graduate with a razor-sharp wit and a demeanor that would make even Donald Trump show emotion, you look like you're headed to a casting call for The Cleveland Show.
Well, into April we go. Here's hoping that one of these bars will look past the Black man walking into their Irish-owned establishment, realize that I can make that place some money, think long and hard...and then hire the blonde stripper with double "G" tits standing behind me.

~!~

Excuse to complain...everyone needs one, right?

2011-03-24T19:46:00.000-07:00

I definitely feel like I've been going in circles in terms of what I do everyday, and NONE of it's helping me towards my eventual goal. Which at this point in my life is making enough money to save and be relatively close to happy. Yes, I'm aware that money doesn't buy happiness, and that those who think so are either fooling themselves, lost whatever value they had on life and what's important, or starring in their own reality television show about absolutely nothing relevant to the normal everyday life.
I've been here since January 19th, and the only things worthwhile I've done are received by Bartender's License, got hooked up being an assistant stage manager for a talent show at the Apollo, and figured out the New York Subway system enough to not get mugged...
Another thing that's bothering me is, why in perfect blue hell is it SO hard to get a job Bartending? I mean finding a bar in New York is like jumping off of a boat looking for water...so you must imagine that SOMEWHERE, ONE of these places would be hiring. According to two good friends of mine, it might be because I'm black. No joke. I mean believe me I'm the last person to pull the "race-card" as a resort for an explanation, but this is quite ridiculous that in ALL these bars I'm going to, I have yet to see one Black bartender. That's a lie...I've seen Black women, but no men. The first Black bartender I saw was today, when I went and applied at a BBQ place near times square; and I'm not convinced that he wasn't simply lost because within the same span of 10 minutes there was a white guy there with a long Paul Bunyun-esque beard.
It's not even the fact that I'm not getting hired. I had a friend of mine look over my resume' that I've been handing out, albeit aesthetically pleasing, might've alluded to my having little to no experience behind a bar...which isn't totally true. In any case, he gave me a few pointers and THAT'S the resume' I've been using for the past few days. It's given me a different kind of confidence knowing that my resume' now doesn't look like I found it stapled to a Maxim magazine, and that somewhere someone MIGHT see it and decide to give me a job. The issue that I'm having is that at the end of the day, whether I go watch the Celtics play at The Hairy Monk on third ave, or go home to look for more places to turn me down because I didn't experience any sort famine of the potato sorts, is that I haven't made any money. I'm spending all my time looking for work opportunities and ways to save money for my move to Los Angeles, and I'm coming up with just about the same amount of people that were laughing during The Situation's set on the Roast of Donald Trump.
I would try and have a social life, but I have no money to do that. I've been talking to people randomly, because that's partly what I do, and I know that I could easily get back into dating or meet a group of people at a Starbucks and befriend them; but I have no time because when they're not at Starbucks talking about their favorite places to fornicate publicly, they're going to work. In other words, ALL of my time is being devoted to finding a job that will pay me and compensate me for my hard work. Not to say that the job for the Apollo hasn't done that yet, but I'm the kind of person who likes to see in order to believe.
The final thing is that I've been TOLD that I would make a kick-ass bartender. I've been TOLD by married women, married men, gay men, confused women and even other bartenders...which is downright outrageous. If another bartender tells me that I'd basically do a better job than him, then he should promptly hop over the counter and give me his job, and go attend a taping of the Wendy Williams Show...matter of fact I might just do that. In any case, Monday is when I'm giving myself to check on the two or three places that I've interviewed with already, and see if they'll give me a job. Till then, thanks for listening.

~!~

New York State Of Mind

2011-03-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

I've posted this in my Facebook Blog, but I'll write a few words on my thoughts about New York. In terms of Manhattan at least, I've decided that it's a giant shopping mall where people happen to live; as well as eat, smoke, drink and profusely fornicate. Don't get me wrong, these are all things I like to do, but when I can walk down Amsterdam Avenue and count about 12 bars in a 2-3 block radius? I think there might be a slight case of overindulgence.

My other observation has to do with street cleaning. Are the streets REALLY that dirty that they must be cleaned at least TWICE a week? Yes, I've seen the streets and have ridden the subway so I'm aware of the less glamorous parts of the city...but TWICE a week? I don't even wash my sheets that often...That probably shouldn't be something I admit to the public eye but hey, what're you gonna do, judge me?
Now, the part about New York I've come to love and become accustomed to. As a Bostonian, I can't ever say I LOVE New York. That's treason, mixed in with Blasphemy with a hint of betrayal. No, no, I will never LOVE New York, however I love parts of it. This one part is about the infamous Energy that exists in this city. I thought it was pure poppycock. Yes, poppycock, you didn't misread. I thought it was a sort of "New York Pride" device, but I tell you it exists. From the minute I step foot onto this rat-infested, sex-infused island I felt it. It drove me, guided me, pushed me and for sure became a part of me. It's unlike anywhere else I've ever been. Certain times of the night you can see it, it's like an aura that coats the buildings and cars. Penetrates the glass windows of the tall buildings that no one really looks at because they, as New Yorkers, have "seen it all". It makes you pick up your pace as you walk these streets and it focuses you most of all. I've been looking for work for about two months now, and whenever I'm walking to the bar that will turn me down because my last name is Johnson not O'Mally, I never feel lazy or tired or like I won't get there
Quite possibly that could be the main reason I'm here. I often questioned why I moved here in the first place. Like the idiot I was before January 19th, I could've packed a suitcase and moved to Los Angeles with nothing but my dreams and the little money I saved up working at Panera Bread for six months. Instead I came here where I have learned so much about...living. It's incredible how living in this tiny apartment in the Bronx has matured me in a way that four years of college has not. For that I am thankful New York. But let's keep it real, I'm just getting started.

~!~

The First One

2011-03-19T10:55:00.000-07:00

A mentor of mine encouraged me to start a blog on the internet. I've heard the terminology, "blogging" before but I never really knew what it was, or cared much to investigate. I had something like this a little while ago, but much like Aaron Carter's career, I sort of left it alone and never really picked it up again. Let's see, about me? I was born and raised in Boston, Mass. I grew up in a rough neighborhood with a love for Acting. I've been doing it since I was 7, so one can imagine that I'm pretty good at it.
I moved to New York in January, and thus far I can say I notice a pretty significant different in how people live here. I'll address that in a later post. It's more that just mildly different from Boston, it's a completely different lifestyle; and if you spent your entire life in Boston and moved here, then you're in for quite a culture-shock friend.
In any case, I'm currently looking for work as a bartender. I'd rather not fill the obligatory role of a New York Actor, i.e. auditioning during the day and waiting tables at night. Bartending works for me because I know how to talk to people, and I know my liquor. Not even because it's one of the more lucrative jobs an actor can have, but because it's the one that fits my personality the best.
I also write poetry from time to time and will post when it suits me. Stay tuned, we'll be right back after this brief moment of inspiration.

~!~